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Here is the story behind "Wholeness Meditation".
The first track, Rain Song, also appears in Breathe in the World, my first album. I felt then and still feel certain that any healing journey is catalyzed by -- and ultimately impossible to complete without -- choosing to forgive. Forgive Spirit, myself, the other person, the situation, who or whatever I believe consciously or unconsciously to be responsible for my difficulty and pain. Forgive, to roughly paraphrase Jesus' words, as many times as it takes.
The next song, Goodbye, is drenched in the experience of grieving, releasing the familiar form of what once was . . . embracing the new form that Life takes. In my early 20's I faced a deep personal loss, and, diving into perhaps the first true awareness of grief I had allowed myself, found a depth of experience that hadn't been available to me prior. In the deep ache of a heart broken open I perceived to my surprise a doorway. It suddenly dawned on me that all the work we do in avoiding feeling the depth of grief deprives us of a magical experience that carries us into a new dimension of being. Avoiding grieving doesn't keep it from happening; like in childbirth, resistance to grief just prolongs the inevitable and makes it difficult to be as aware of the very real gifts that present each day. This song is an invitation to courageously embrace it full on and claim the gifts in the ashes.
As our heavy eyes and hearts shed a river of tears, we become gradually lighter and clearer and in time we become aware again of the life around us. We begin to trust life again, little by little. The River invites us to be in the moment with the flow, to feel life supporting us. We might even begin to enjoy where we are and get curious again about what might be around the next bend . . . I love the imagery of this traditional chant that reminds me that no matter what twists and turns my life takes, in my essence I am one with the One and I'm always Home.
Alleluia was a joyous improvisation that bloomed in the stillness of the days around the winter solstice . . . in the days before my youngest son was due to be born. I had bronchitis and was concerned about the baby coming early. I felt exhausted from all the coughing. My body ached and I wondered about my ability to have the natural home birth that I'd expected to have. When the inner call came to record a new song at first I didn't listen -- I thought, no way can I record. Finally one day I just decided to do it. When I opened the love channel I was suddenly awash with the loving beauty of the spirit of the baby. I found that I had no trouble at all singing. The song that you hear on the album was completed with very few re-takes, including (very faintly) the sound of my oldest son who had come in at the tail end of the recording and had waited until the end of the song to say quietly, "Mom?" From that day on, I had a break from the coughing. The baby waited to come exactly a week after his due date, which gave me a chance to rest up and gather my reserves. When he came after a brief and beautiful birthing time in the wee hours of Christmas Eve morning, I felt ready to welcome him. The sounds of "Alleluia" infused the space in those precious and sleep-deprived hours. I hope you can feel the joy and the love and the peace that radiate from this song.
Finally, we're ready to re-engage our ability to attract and accept good in our lives. "I Am Here" is an affirmative prayer that celebrates being alive and whole.