Into the Love I Have For You (video)

Early Monday morning I awoke from a powerful dream that took me a few moments to realize wasn't real.  

In the dream, I had given up on my life and had taken a large dose of seeds from an deadly poisonous native plant that grows near the river. While waiting for the seeds to take effect, I discussed my decision with my friend Ashley, who has a way of casually dropping a thought or asking just the right question that opens up a whole different perspective for me. Suddenly in the course of our conversation I felt a bomb of regret go off in my gut as I realized that I didn't feel done singing yet, but had closed off that option forever.  

Waking up I realized that something has to die, for me to live more fully. 

Later that morning, with friends gathered in the living room for our weekly kirtan practice, my friend Steve offered a song that was new to me, with lyrics from a Rumi poem: 

"This is how I would die Into the love I have for you . . . Like pieces of clouds, dissolving in sunlight." 

Yesterday morning, instead of regret, I awakened to the song humming through me. After my  morning meditation and before the kids got up, I recorded this version of it. There are Arabic words that I might still be adding  later if I can get them right. 

How to make life work still feels like a mystery to me. So many things that just don't seem to fit no matter how hard I try.  

But for now, my heart feels full. And there is love, and there is song.

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